To be visible without quaking is a tall order. I remember the first time I had to argue a case in front of a panel of “moot court” judges when I was in law school. Talk about being visible! And did I quake in my shoes.
I was so nervous that driving to school, I almost got into an accident because I wasn’t paying attention. There were a horde of huge butterflies in my stomach flying in different directions. By the time it was my turn to defend my side of the case, I was in a panic. I’d forgotten all the case law I’d so carefully memorized. All I wanted to do was to throw up on my shoes and slink away, never to be heard again!
It was, for sure, one of the suckiest experience in my life. But, I’m sure you’ve had some version of this happen to you. Some of us had many.
Somehow, by the time you are adults, the phrase “Who Do You Think You Are?” shouts so loudly in your head that there’s nothing more. You stop giving yourself a chance to even have the idea that you can redo THAT moment.
Protecting yourself from the likelihood of being seen as flawed, ugly, imperfect, stupid, or whatever, is the most important thing in life.
There’s a problem with that way of life. It is this:
When you own a business, you can’t help but be seen. You must be seen. Owning a business is a public activity, even when you’re only online.
People do view your ideas, see your videos, hear you speak, read your writing. They also witness when you fail, note your anxiety, your shaky voice, your bad ideas, like the judge’s panel did with me.
All that comes with the territory.
Hiding only gives more power to the fear. And that’s all it is. It’s just fear. Here’s what I learned, I’ve done, and still do when all I want to do is throw up and slink away. Here are some things to do to be visible without quaking:
Take a Step
First thing to do to be visible without quaking or shaking is to revisit your vision for your life. If you don’t have one, for heaven’s sake, get one.
Then, decide what are the outcomes you want to achieve in the next 90 days. That is, you’re breaking the big vision into smaller, achievable pieces.
Next, you break down your outcomes into doable projects. Those projects get broken down into tasks that you can accomplish in 2-week dashes. And, do them.
Acting won’t make the fear go away, per se. In fact, your fear will fight harder, scream louder at first. However, when you finished the first small step, all there is the next small step to get done.
Fear doesn’t know how to fight small steps. Fear fights large ideas and dreams.
Find an Accountability Partner
Get a buddy or coach. Find someone who will hold you accountable.
Accountable for what? Well, to do what you say you’re going to do. And, to cheer you for taking the steps you have.
Don’t allow anyone who is toxic to give you “their thoughts” on your progress. Surround yourself only with extreme encouragers. Trust me, this is not open to discussion.
Be One with the Fear
Another important thing to do to be visible without quaking is to find an Energy Coach (EC).
What is an Energy Coach? This is a coach who helps with mindset, focus and fear. ECs don’t try to fix anything. Why? Because trying to fix the fear can lead to shame, repression. Instead, these coaches help the client be present to the fear and clear it from the inside.
By being present I mean being in relationship with your fear. When you let fear upset you, you’re locking it in place with resistance. But if you stop resisting, the fear loosens its hold. This is the power of paying attention. Fear doesn’t vanish because you kill it. It dissipates because you pay attention and let it run its course.
Staying in relationship with your idea or your dream allows you to see beyond the fear, to manage it. If you’re not in such a relationship, one small glitch causes you to abandon your dream. You never learn the thing you’re being called to learn as a business owner. You never learn who you’re being called to become.
Bolting away will cause you to lose the lesson.
The lesson for me from that “moot court” afternoon was that I could argue if I appeared confident of my argument. Go figure!
One Last Thing
One of the greatest things you can learn is to see all opinions as just opinions and thoughts.
In the end, it’s not about being seen by others at all. It’s about you seeing yourself and your dream clearly. And standing in the power it gives you, never giving up on the dream.
How do you cope with fear? Need help with making your vision real?
Let me know, I really want to know.